Your face..

When I see your face it gives me hell, are you happy? Not because I hate you but because I still love you. I ask myself, how can I still love you after everything you have put me through? I tell myself this isn't right. You claimed to have loved me so deep, so then why did you shatter my heart, taint my mind and disassembled my soul? I wake every morning happy to breath easily but once the thought of you crosses my mind I wither to nothing. I can't change how I feel and only time will help me heal but time is not going by fast enough for me to change the passage of my life and steer clear of you.

It saddens me to think that if one day you were to come back I would consider being with you.. The only fear that consumes me is that of losing my family, the people that have stuck with me through this whole ordeal and gave me their hands when I was drowning, and it saddens me that I wouldn't put my well being first and have the strength to say no. How can you have such a strong hold over me still?

I wish to have you off of my mind and out of my heart. Why can't this happen any sooner? I just want to live normally again, without the fear of seeing you and having to close my eyes or turn and walk the other way..